im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
