I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
