I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
