Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
