I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
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