I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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