my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
