Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
