1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
