just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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