ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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