He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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