I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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