Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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