eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
