You work out of a Hotel?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
