Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
