i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
