Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize