She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
