Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
