i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
