PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
