Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this just has baby written all over it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
