Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
