I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
