Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
