Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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