omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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