Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
