she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
