If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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