WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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