did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
