ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
