I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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