speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
