i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
