I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
