I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just pee around me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
