Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
