i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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