I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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