You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
