Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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