Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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