A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
