Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
