we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
