I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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