Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
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