I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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