Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
