I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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