I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
