So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
