I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
