What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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