i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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