Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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