Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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