Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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