You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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