it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
